This is all about transforming my life from ‘we’ to ‘me’. I am 59 year old woman surviving the pain of the collapse of my 37 year marriage that occurred suddenly through no choice of my own. . . I survived the first six months by living in today and enjoying the moments of a glorious summer. . . . the beautiful sunrises that have beckoned me each day . . . . the views to the valley . . . . walks through the forests . . . . .listening to the birds. . . .spending time with my family. . . .
When that first summer ended, when the days became shorter, the mornings colder and I could see the winter approaching. . . I began to wonder how I would survive the darkness, the cold, the grey skies and the impending gloom of winter. Then I thought to myself – ‘why?’ It is almost spring. With spring comes hope, the birth of new flowers, warm days again and blue, blue skies. Winter is simply the path one needs to take to get there.
So too with my current life situation. What would I achieve by wallowing in the depths of a winter of loneliness and despair? What would be the point of sitting here mourning the loss of the supposed sunny happy-ever-after ‘we’ that is gone? Instead I could choose to move forward towards a bright new future as ‘me’. I resolved on that day it would be the start of my transformation, my 40 steps from ‘we’ to ‘me’, one step for each year of our time together. At the time, I did not know how long each step would take and I did not know what the steps would be but I did know that I would get there. I wanted to keep my own core beliefs, hold onto my dreams and not let what somebody else chose to do drag me down as a person. At that moment it was approaching winter; it was cold, dark, and despairing; and yet I could see that it was almost spring.
Update 09 January 2014
A forty year marriage is not something easy to let go of. It took me 40 steps (weeks) to emotionally let go of ‘us’ as a couple and another 40 steps to find myself. Along the way I have been celebrating in life’s joys and gradually ridding myself of the layers of my old life that are no longer serving me a purpose. During the process I stripped myself down to my bare inner self, reaffirming my values, beliefs, attitudes and responsibilities. This led me to having an epiphany underpinned by a desire to transform my life.
Now, I am looking forward to a completely new life and am beginning to rebuild a new outer being. Divorce has provided me with an opportunity to create and transform my life into something really outstanding. I would never before have dreamed that was possible. I feel optimistic and enthused about the new life I am creating.