The ending of ‘we’

This blog over time will outline the steps of my transformation into ‘me’. That process begins at the ending of ‘we’ – an almost 40 year relationship with my husband and soul-mate – a relationship that ended abruptly and unexpectedly through no choice of my own. The first few weeks I was in excruciating agony surviving by living one painful hour at a time. Six months have now past and the pain has eased enough for me to now put some of my thoughts of those first few weeks into words.

Where do I begin to recount the mixed emotions I have felt in the loss of that wonderful partnership – the love that we had, the lost happy memories, our beautiful family, the lost plans for the future, the shared projects together, the care that I gave, the grief, the unfairness, the anxiety, the pain, the anger, the horror, the victim I became, the catastrophic events we endured – or perhaps it seems we did not – being thrown onto a rollercoaster of emotions up and down – all by myself.

I was passing through and am still passing through a grief process – those four to seven stages or feelings that psychologists claim one passes through after a death or loss of a loved one before one can truly resurrect one’s own life again. The end of a marriage is such a loss – I can vouch for that – and it does seem that there are particular stages or feelings you pass through or experience along the way in this grief process on the loss. The stages supposedly include – shock – pain – anger – depression – then finally acceptance and hope. By week six, when I was reading about these stages, it was this last stage I clung onto of ‘acceptance and hope’ as where I would like to be. I felt that if I could get to a point of acceptance then perhaps I could turn the situation around with positive responses and a hope for the future – a positive future.

That was how I started to feel by week five or six. Before that – weeks one to four  – I was in crisis and in pain. Whilst I am aiming for this blog to be positive responses for my life going forward, the process does start at those first weeks of agony – at the ending of ‘we’ – where any positive sign seemed a long way off.

 

2 thoughts on “The ending of ‘we’

  1. keep on seeing the positive things in life and be sure there are so many new good things coming into your life, and know – u r not alone out there. sending you lots of strength and positive thoughts…. paupana

  2. Pingback: Week 39 – Acceptance? | Almost Spring

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