This blog – transforming my life from ‘we’ to ‘me’ – began in the Australian autumn. With summer ending, with the approaching darker colder days of winter, with my waning spirits, my blogging helped me focus on the spring that would follow winter. Spring would bring me hope with the birth of new flowers, warm days, and blue blue skies. Spring would see me moving forward towards a bright new future as ‘me’.
As time drew closer to spring, I wondered whether I would make it to my goal. It was not easy to put behind 40 years of coupledom. It took me 40 weeks before I felt I could say I had finished that very first step – the ending ‘we’. It was forty weeks before I finally saw myself as a single identity, a unique person.
Now I was beginning to think – is that the only progress I have made in my journey? Is that the only distance I have come? Not only did I still not know who I was, in my somewhat befuddled and mushy brain that accompanied my own grief, I felt that I had on occasions let others down. As I crumbled in the times of deep emotional pain, I felt my own values of courage and resilience had somehow been swept aside. What had happened to me? What had happened to my prophetic declaration “I want to keep my own core beliefs, hold onto my dreams and not let what somebody else chose to do drag me down as a person”
What happened to my becoming the captain of my soul?
Then this morning – the first day of spring – I opened my word-press page and was brought to tears by a tribute paid to me by a fellow blogger. In her blog ‘Talk to Diana’ I was described by her as someone who ….. ” courageously shares her deeply personal journey …… it is my hope that her courage has helped countless others who have lost relationships”. Moreover she described me by one of my own favourite quotes of Theodore Roosevelt.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt
To Diana, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The compliments that you paid to me today has given me the courage that I needed to keep striding forth on my journey. Those words above in bold that you describe as me are some of those values that I thought that maybe I had somehow lost. Now I know they are still there inside me. In fact they are what keeps me striding forward – despite the set-backs and shortcomings that do at times accompany me on my journey. Thank you for helping me see that. I consider you an inspiration. Those who have never ‘met’ Diana and her blog, I encourage you to visit her now – you will not be disappointed.
To all the other bloggers who have given me words of encouragement over the past 3 months and at the same time have provided insightful words in your own blogs, I am most grateful to you all.
To all of you who may be in the depths of your own winter of despair –
remember just around the corner …… it is almost spring. In spring, the rain will stop, the sun will shine, the flowers will bloom, and the hope of a new beginning will turn into reality.
I share with you all the first day of an Australian spring.
This day marks the first true day of my new beginnings as ‘me’.
I wish peace, calmness, hope and courage to you all …….
Spring is everywhere ……..