My needs #6. I need to be needed

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I have an in built urge to help people.
To assist people in need.
To enable people to do their best.

As a child
I was the one who stayed inside with my friend when she was laid up with a leg injury.
I was the one who walked behind with the disabled girl, when the others charged ahead.
I helped others with their school assignments.

As a wife and mother
I put my heart and soul into helping my children do their very best.
I supported my husband in many projects and in his work.

As a friend and co-worker
I was the supporter for friends and neighbors with their own children.
I became the leader in business, helping others reach their potential.

I really really miss having my children around, and of them needing me.
I miss the nurturing role that I had in my former career.
I miss being needed.

Still, I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved.

There is another, less positive side to this trait.

Fixing problems.

Puzzle

I am Mrs Fixit

In my marriage, my husband was always the one with the grand idea and then we would work and accomplish things together and have fun along the way. Then there would be, for him, the next exciting project to begin and build on. Meanwhile, the original project still needed maintaining or “fixing” whether that be maintenance in an investment property, or appliances that required repair, or bills and loans that still needed paying. And sometimes when things did not quite work out, it was me who worked a way out of our predicament.

That was my job. Fixing.

Picking up the broom and sweeping up the mess.

Fixing is draining.

There is no glamorous reward or a sense of achievement and accomplishment.
No accolades or thank-yous.

Do I want to continue to be Mrs Fix-it?
Do I need this?

Or do I want and need a different role going forward, one that brings out my former nurturing instincts and makes me feel good about myself?

That is the question I ask myself today.

That is the big question I am asking myself today for my life of tomorrows.

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You may also wish to read:
Staying Strong by Ian Munro @ Leading Essentially
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Friends Image courtesy [adamr] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Puzzle Image courtesy [renith krishnan] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

15 thoughts on “My needs #6. I need to be needed

  1. I hope you can turn your need to be needed into a fulfilling career of some kind! If I had any ideas of what that could be I’d tell you, right after I applied for a job with the same requirements and rewards.

    • Thanks. Sometimes this need can be found fulfilled in the strangest of places. Here is hoping it springs to my mind soon. Thanks for your support and good luck with that job.

    • Hello. Yes, I have thought of volunteering. However, I am currently weighed down with some ‘fixit’ problems stemming from the marriage dissolution. I am slowly realising that I cannot move on until these issues are resolved OR at least I move away from thinking it is my responsibility of being the one to get them right. This requires a huge change in thought processes. This blogging is helping me get things right in my head, before making any major change in my life.
      Thanks for your support.
      Have a great weekend. xo

  2. Thanks for linking into my blog Elizabeth. I’m honored that you would include me!

    Quite an interesting observation regarding Mrs. Fix-it. It is a familiar story to me in another way … my wife is the same. With her we know it to be that in the core of her soul she is a healer. However in her childhood years, she adapted to family circumstances by doing more around the house. So as she has grown up as both a healer and needing to do more, the combination leads to her being a Mrs. Fixi-it, which wears her out.

    I’m wondering if you are also a soulful healer, and that this “need to be needed” is an adaptation to life that combines to create Mrs. Fix-it for you? What would happen if you already just knew you were needed (and you are!!) and then allowed yourself to focus on helping others heal? It takes some practice to know “we are enough”, but by doing so we can derive so much joy from being our essential self.

    • Thanks for your lengthy and encouraging reply.
      I linked to your post because it turned a light on inside me regarding what had been draining my energies. You are correct that underneath I am probably a healer. However, currently I am being dragged down by certain ‘fix-it’ issues. I need to get these resolved before I can turn my life to what really makes me shine. Part of that is accepting that it does not have to be me that does the fixing.
      Thanks for you ongoing support and have a great weekend.

  3. Yeah, I realised the same thing… that I needed to be needed… but I think everyone does to some extent… fortunately for me, I’ve found someone who complements me and who makes me feel needed, as I need her… and I wish the same for you… when you’re ready ๐Ÿ™‚ it really is a wonderful feeling ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. You’ll get it figured out! Sometimes it just takes a little time when big changes occur.

    I absolutely love the picture that you used to illustrate this post.

  5. It’s funny how things roll on. I have always been a provider of comfort and care too. I can really relate to what you’re saying. I can feel it!
    I’m not sure what advice to offer, as with me, it continues – so I can’t help you change. Good luck though, in feeling peace in whatever happens from now though.

  6. Pingback: The Financial Lessons Of Divorce #3. Priorities | Almost Spring

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