This is MY Life!!

I HAVE HAD AN EPIPHANY!

A light has come on.

When my husband abandoned our marriage, he went overseas. I was left with the business to run. I felt that I could not walk away from it. At the time, I was in the midst of all the personal angst surrounding the separation and I had not had time to process what had happened. I had not had time to fathom out what I needed or what I wanted to do with my life. Now I have. The business carries a risk. I am no longer comfortable to carry that on my own. So, at the stroke of midnight, I have pulled away from our draft settlement and it is back to the table for further discussions.

If you have never had an epiphany, it is a strange experience. For me it occurred when visiting my mother. Full of angst about the signing of our marital agreement and what I was taking on, I looked up at the sky. Light was breaking through from behind storm clouds and a strong yet simple realisation dawned on me. I still had a choice. This was my epiphany.

While I had not yet fully worked out what I do want to do with my life, I had worked out what I do not want to do and be.

I am not Mrs Fix-it anymore.

I need to begin to think of me and what is right for me going forward.

This Is My Life
as performed by Shirley Bassey

Funny, how a lonely day
Can make a person say
What good is my life

Funny, how a breaking heart
Can make me start to say
What good is my life

Funny, how I often seem To think
I’ll find another dream

In my life

Till I look around and see
This great big world is part of me
And my life

This is my life, today, tomorrow
Love will come and find me
But that’s the way that I was born to be
This is me,
this is me

This is my life
and I don’t
Give a damn for lost emotions
I’ve such a lot of love,
I’ve got to give

Let me live,
let me live

Sometime when I feel afraid
I think of what a mess I’ve made
Of my life

Crying over my mistakes
Forgetting all the breaks
I’ve had
In my life

I was put on earth to be
A part of this great world is me
And my life

Guess I’ll just add up the score
And count the things I’m grateful for
In my life

This is my life, today, tomorrow
Love will come and find me
But that’s the way that I was born to be
This is me,
this is me

This is my life
and I don’t
Give a damn for lost emotions
I’ve such a lot of love,
I’ve got to give

Let me live,
let me live

This is my life
This is my life
This is my life

46 thoughts on “This is MY Life!!

  1. That is quite an epiphany for you, to realize it is your life to do with it as you desire. No longer do you have to look to anyone else for their permission/acceptance/approval. It is all in your hands now. That is a wonderful place to be.

  2. This is magnificent. I really enjoyed reading it, & then topping it off with that song. I appreciated you writing down the words to the song too.

    Great post!

  3. I. LOVE. THIS. POST.

    Wow!!!! fabulous. Awesome. Wonderful.

    And yes, you don’t have to take it all on — You didn’t break it. Not your job to fix it 🙂 Even if he tells you it is and you must and you will and you blah blah blah. You don’t!!!!

    Yeah!!! Cheering for you wildly here at the foot of the Canadian Rockies where spring is in full bloom and life is grand.

    Hugs

  4. I am so happy for you and grateful that you shared this. I think too often we think of what we feel we should do instead of what is truly in our heart. You have no obligation in this decision other than to yourself and you’ve clearly chosen that path!

    • Yes, it has been a momentous moment breaking through that entrenched thinking process of always putting supposed responsibilities first ahead of self. What lays on the other side will be an interesting journey.

  5. Good for you – taking control and deciding your own fate instead of being a good soldier – I bet it feels like a ton of weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

    • Your words have been chosen well. To ‘soldier on’ seems to have been what I have been doing, then suddenly I asked myself “why?”
      Yes, a ton of weight has indeed been lifted. Thanks for your support.

  6. This is huge—congratulations!

    After my separation, I thought I would buy my husband out (the house) and stay in North Carolina. It was as though I was going to make things “nicer”. But then I realized that the end of the marriage opened up more than an opportunity to decide what flowers to put in the corner planter. At that point, the big questions took center stage, and I moved where I wanted to live. My goal went from “nicer” to “exhilarating”.

    • You describe it well. That’s what I was doing, believing that I could make things “better” on my own than we could have done as a couple. Then suddenly (my epiphany) I could not not fathom out why on earth I was doing that. What was in this for me? It was the final shattering and leaving behind the ‘happy-ever-after’ illusion and instead facing the stark reality of what being on my own really means.
      It is exhilarating to finally reach this place.
      Thanks for your support. It really helps to know that others have been here too and survived.

  7. I HAVE had more than one epiphany (and could use one now quite frankly! lol) and know exactly where you are coming from! Yay and congrats! A huge step in the right direction of the new lovely you. ♥♥♥

  8. I also like it. It sounds like you are really moving forward in a positive way. Sometimes knowing what you don’t want to do is a more important insight than knowing what you want to do.

  9. Thank you for visiting my blog and liking what you read. We have a great deal in common – I too was 58 when my husband of 35 years left, and we too shared a business. When it came to the divorce a few years after our separation, I was all set to fight for the business and then was struck down by ill health and lost the battle for wealth. With hindsight, I’m grateful – it has allowed me to rediscover who “I” am and to live “my life”. You are doing very well. It does get easier as time goes by. Blessings.

    • Yes, it does appear that we have much in common (even if it is a similar adverse event in our lives!). It does help to read and receive encouragement from others who have gone before me. It helps a lot. thank you for stopping by and for your support.

    • Thanks for your encouraging comment. Yes, that is the first step, realising what I don’t want, with the second step letting it go, then I will be free to pursue my life my own way. Thanks for stopping by

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