Ok … so now what?

“I am not sure what I shall do, nothing here has worked out quite as I expected”
“Most things don’t. But sometimes, what happens instead is the good stuff”
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

 

ID-10036272.nattavutFor over three years I have been in this place of limbo between my past and future, trudging through the mud of the marital property settlement, waiting for it to be over so that I may begin my new life. Recently I wrote that the settlement agreement had been finally signed. What I did not reveal in that post, is that about the same time, the business had been sold. This sale had meant much administrative burden for me over the previous six to twelve months, and the business itself had consumed my life for decades.Β I have thus in the past month had this marvellous quadruple lifting of time-related stress. I will shortly be free of the marital settlement, business-sale negotiations, legal work-up on both those counts, and the running of the business itself. Even though there is still some final processes to complete, those changes will happen. Those stresses will be gone.

I must admit that after a day of luxuriating euphoria on signing the agreement, I then went through a few days turmoil. That was the exact opposite of how I thought I would feel. For two days I did not sleep. It was not exactly panic but my head was in a spin with thoughts whirring around as to what my next step would now be. It was almost as if for three years I had been trying desperately to get through this door that had been stuck. Then when I FINALLY walked through it, there I was confronted again with not one but several more doors. And I was at a loss as to which one I should attempt to open first.

Should I prepare my home for selling?
Should I move closer to my mother?
Should I move closer to the children?
Should I stay where I am?
Should I spend more time with my children?
Should I visit my siblings and friends?
Should I join a community group?
Should I begin a course?
Should I get back to my previous career?
Should I go back to university?
Should I start another business?
Should I retire?
Should I become frugal so my money stretches further?
Should I get financial advice?
Should I volunteer for a local charity?
Should I volunteer overseas?
Should I travel simply for the thrill of it?
Should I take up a new sport?
Should I take up a new hobby?
Should I embark on a new project?
Should I get myself fit and active and healthier?
Should I write a book?
Will I be able to continue to live my life alone with grace and dignity?

After a few fitful nights, I woke one morning with my next project ahead as clear as anything. My project – for the next year at least – would be to focus on me.

The truth is, I need to decide on all those things in the list above.
The truth is, some of them will be both difficult and challenging.
The truth is, I will be in conflict within myself as to how best prioritize my time.

That is life.

However, I can also spend some time on me, I can take some time for me.

The key realization that I have come to is that I am in another transition.
I have been through one transition over the past three years and am finally closing the door on that transition period – the ending of ‘we’.
I am now beginning another transition – finding the true ‘me’.
I have concluded that, whilst it is still a transition, that it is an OK place to be.
It is OK to not definitely know the path ahead.
It is OK, even exciting, to try new things and maybe make mistakes along the way.
It is OK, to be me, alone.

And, whereas my transition away from ‘we’ was marked by frustration and me feeling trapped; as I enter this new transition towards ‘me’, I am tasting the delicate flavour of freedom.

 

 

___________________________________________________________________

ImageCourtesy[nattavut]FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

36 thoughts on “Ok … so now what?

  1. I have also experienced a similiar time through life and it takes you by surprise, because we think this is exaclty what we dreamed of and have been waiting for! My remedy was to just allow all those questions and fears to come to the surface and watch them. Then I wrote down all my questions and fears about the situation and broke them into a smaller list, until I realised what it was that I needed to do.

    You are right Elizabeth, it is perfectly ok to be here and observe. You have all the answers within you. In time and practising stillness you will find those answers. πŸ™‚

  2. I am excited for you Elizabeth… you will figure it out in time. You’ve been so focused and goal-oriented. Maybe a bit of taking things as they come and just being present in the moment might be wonderful?
    Diana xo

  3. I love this! It’s ok to not know the path ahead… I tend to spend way too much time fussing over the journey ahead. Thank you for the reminder.

    Congratulations on the settlement of things! ~Love & prayers, DJ

  4. You are absolutely amazing, Elizabeth! I have recently begun to see life as an adventure whereas before I was seeing it as a nightmare. Yes, focus on you, you, YOU! Thanks for this inspiring post. xxx

  5. Being able to focus on yourself. You might really get a lot out of this after a while. Maybe you can do a bit of travelling for a start. This might give you some new ideas what you can do with your life. You probably would enjoy the company of some good friends and family at this stage in your life. I would think where ever you are and whatever you do, some writing is bound to give you sustenenance and joy. So do keep your writing up! Thank you for sharing, dear Elizabeth. Best wishes,
    Uta πŸ™‚

  6. Wow, what an extraordinary opportunity to start over ! No wonder it feels daunting… I think you’ve got it perfectly nailed though: focusing on you will allow a new you to emerge. Good luck ! Xx

  7. Amazing post! Full of wisdom and resolve and hope and courage!

    It can be incredibly daunting to face SO much freedom all at once. In my experience, I find that boundaries and restrictions make me feel safe, as certain things are at least a little bit predictable. Of course, that’s often just an illusion. The truth is, our future is always wide open to so many, many things. It’s just that we’re not often as aware of them as these “closings” have made you aware.

    I’m looking forward to hearing about your adventures, and I sincerely wish you ALL the best–much joy, peace, and goodness–in every day. ❀

    • It certainly can be daunting yet exciting at the same time to have an open road to follow. I know what you mean about boundaries and I am finding that I am (annoyingly) beginning to invent ones that are not really required, just to give me some structure. Maybe that will pass as the real effects of freedom begin to soak in. Thanks for your encouraging lead.

  8. Your post brought to mind a mandala I created in a course I took a couple of years ago, Elizabeth.

    The path is the way.

    I love how you can see you’ve moved across the threshold of the ‘we’ transition door and are now on the threshold of another, even more exciting one — Me in the we of the world.

    Like the others have said, no matter what path you take, you will do it with the grace, and beauty and intelligence and thoughtful compassion you have taken every step of your way to get here.

    Love and peace.

  9. Congratulations on the sale of the business, Elizabeth, and with it the ending of certain stresses and worries. But I will share with you a truth I learned when I was going through my divorce many years ago.
    A wise, older and life-worn woman warned me of one side effect of a painful divorce:
    it leaves a worry “void” and we find something else to fill it.
    I had an infant daughter, so when the divorce was final and he was ordered to take certain bills and pay them off immediately and provide child support, I was relieved of course, but right away I took on another worry–what if he got bored with his new wife and family and decided he wanted shared custody of this precious baby? He didn’t, but I spent hours worrying about it.
    Enjoy each issue that is settled, each concern and obstacle that is handled, and then quickly fill its void with happiness, a new opportunity or project you enjoy, something just for you.
    Wishing you the best, as always.

    • I know what you mean about this void. The trauma and dealings of the divorce process took up SO much time; added to the times spent in the business. However, there were SO many things that I had to put on hold over the past three years (or longer, to be truthful) and I really now want to do those things. I do believe in my case, I will not look back.
      Thanks for that wise woman’s advice πŸ™‚

  10. Elizabeth, sometimes freedom can be daunting. But if you would forgive the clichΓ©, the world is your oyster, and you are in control of your destiny, with no one to answer to but yourself.

    Perhaps it would be a good time to catch up on your relationships with family and friends, travel a little, and give yourself time to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life, to make sure it is something that matters to YOU.

    All the best, Jennifer xo

    • Yes, I fully intend to do all those things and take a little time to not concern myself with making decisions. For a little while at least, I will simply take some time off. thanks for your kind words

  11. We are ALWAYS in transition. And it’s a good thing too! Fear is ever present, and it’s the constant overcoming of fear that ensures personal growth. One of these days, I’ll get to writing about it, but I’m in another heightened transition as we speak. Even though II suspect I’m at the cusp of something wonderful, in the moment it’s simply another test of my endless well of fear.Work through it and enjoy the ride!

    • Thanks for your inspirational comment. I do believe that you are on the cusp of something great and would love to hear of your progress. And I am beginning to now know the difference between dark and gloomy ‘fear’ and exciting, challenging ‘fear’. One drags you down, the other pushes you up. as you say, I will enjoy the ride.
      Thanks for your encouragement.

  12. It is scary when the box you’ve been living within is lifted. The very thing you resented you now wish for, a bit, b/c the complete lack of parameters is terrifying. One step at a time–you are being guided. Of that I’m sure:).

  13. Pingback: To begin at the beginning | Almost Spring

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s