Home again

ID-10011911(2)I have returned home again, having spent the best part of the last two months, with my siblings, caring for my mother in her final days.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am actually returning home, or whether I am leaving home behind me. I am feeling a quadruple loss. As well as losing my mother, I am leaving behind my siblings, my extended family, my hometown and the community I grew up in. To leave all that behind me, to return home alone has been difficult. What am I coming home to?

Two days after my mother’s funeral, I took a phone call from my solicitor to say that the marital settlement was complete. You may remember that papers were signed earlier this year. From that signing date, the actual process to untangle our various investments and loans took a few more months. Now the process was finally over.

I was very sad that I never got to share that moment with my mother. However, only days before she slipped away, I did share with her my dreams for my future. That conversation had made her relaxed, and she gave me a smile. She was happy to know her daughter would soon be on the road to her own life, with a vision of a life of peace and contentment.

Now, three weeks later, here I am.
Home again.

Yet, it will all be so different …

My home is now actually my home.
My finances are now my own to manage.
The business settlement period is drawing to a close.
I am finally free of the marital entanglement.

Four major changes in my life, and with the death of my mother, that makes five.
My life will be so different.

So today I am clinging on to that vision, that vision I shared with my mother, that vision for my life being one of peace and contentment.

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Image courtesy[/FreeDigitalPhotos.net]

26 thoughts on “Home again

  1. May you find peace, happiness and contentment. You deserve to find all this after all the upheavals you had to go through. It is lovely that you could still spend some time with your mother. May she rest in peace.

  2. These are the times where you just have to go with the flow and not try to be in control. I have the feeling I will be treading a similar path to you in the not very distant future – this is encouragement from behind. Hugs.

    • It is difficult to let go of that control, and especially when it is feelings involved. And yet, as you say, this is one of those times when I need to just let things happen. So it is a range of different emotions flooding across me now. And I am just letting myself feel them all.

      I am happy for you that you still have your mother. May you enjoy quality time with her.

  3. I think peace and contentment flow easily from a place of gratitude, Elizabeth. There is always something to be grateful for, which means you have what you need, even here today as you are amidst such change. I’m so deeply sorry for you in losing your Mom and the promise of her physical touch; prepare now to welcome her presence in spirit. You are never alone. And you are loved.

  4. Oh, Elizabeth, I know words hold no comfort right now, please just know that you are well loved. I am lifting you up with love and light. ❤
    Brava on the finalization of becoming your "own woman", it is equal parts wonderful and scary as hell. I send "air high fives" (something my little 3 and 4 year old students love to do) for the wonderful bits and hugs for the scary bits.
    You're braver than you know. My heart is hugging yours so fiercely! ❤

    • It is conflicting emotions for me at the moment with these two changes in my life coming at the same time so I am in a bit of a swirl at the moment and striving for some quiet times so that I can ground myself. Thanks so much for both the ‘bravo’ and the ‘hugs’. I was in need of them both. Thanks so much for the cyber-friendship. It means a lot to me.

  5. I know what it feels like to have multiple beginnings and endings stacked on top of one another. And I’m wishing you peace, courage and a multitude of blessings. Beginning with your cuppa’ tomorrow morning:). Hope you feel it.

  6. Elizabeth, so much within a short time and you are showing so many strengths of character. I feel like we need to breathe and fill ourselves with peace and goodness during life changing events. Your reflections show the direction you are heading. I will continue to hope you realize what a wonderful example you set for your children. I am not sure I could do what you did but you inspire me to strive for this in my Mom’s and my future “end days.” Enjoy your momens of independence. BE glad you wereable

    • Robin, I have just started a photo / writing challenge (sent by another blogger) and I have nominated you to begin the same challenge. Feel free to adapt or skip it. However, I wanted to acknowledge the fact that you have been a huge support to me.

  7. Pingback: Photo Challenge # 1 – New Beginnings – School | Almost Spring

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